Fitness and Depression: The Defining Moments
July 18, 2011 by Tish
Credit: Perfecto Insecto
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are stronger in the broken places.” —Ernest Hemingway
We all have moments that, like workouts, make us stronger. I’ve experienced months of that type of strength training–amazing grace kinds of moments that scream, “I once was lost and now I’m found.” The reason why you haven’t heard from me for awhile is because I slipped into a serious depression, and it took the help of a terrific support group and a power deep inside me—that I didn’t know I had—to pull myself up and out of that hogwash.
This is my story. This is my version of how depression affected me and took the fit right out of my bottom. I decided to share it because I know there are a lot of other women out there experiencing similar challenges and I want you all to know you’re not alone.
I didn’t realize I had a situation until, surprisingly, I was months into a funk. I’m an active, crazy gal. I thrive off of energy. I like to get out and sweat. I like to try new things, and I love to move. I stopped feeling alive around March and that’s when the gym became my last priority. Moving was something I hid from. I would yawn in my total-body workout classes that I once adored, and I’d find myself unable to keep up with the ladies who didn’t work out nearly as often as I did. It would take forever for my body to recover from a simple run. Yet, I still didn’t have a clue what was really going on.
I had a chance to visit FBG Jenn in June, and that’s when I finally clued in. Jenn was so excited to share a new fitness find (The Fit Pit) with me, but I dreaded the minutes leading up to the workout. Within minutes of our run, I was walking. People began to pass me up, and I knew something was physically wrong with me. Usually competitive to a fault, I couldn’t even fake the funk and pretend like I was enjoying a workout that months ago would have had me screaming with glee. (I’m usually the girl who honks for getting outside and trying new workouts.)
I half-arsed my way through that workout and spent hours after wondering what the heck was wrong. I started Googling, wondering if I was anemic or lacking some vitamin…and that’s when I finally got a clue. Depression symptoms started popping up, and I became vigilant. Being fit is a priority for me. I don’t enjoy huffing up a flight or two of stairs because I’m out of shape. I don’t enjoy tuckering out when I’m playing with friends’ children on the beaches of Santa Monica. I vowed depression wasn’t going to take my joys away from me. This meant reaching out to friends immediately. I found someone who had gone through exactly what I was going through. She recommended a great therapist, and I got to work. (That included trying an anti-depressant that is working wonders for me.)
I still go and speak to a therapist every other week. I also see a psychiatrist who monitors the medication I’m on. Since starting, I’ve worked out once. This normally would freak me out, but I was more than thankful that I felt like running two miles! It’s a start. I’m taking baby steps. It’s about feeling fit, not punishing my body to get back to the fitness level I once was at. No scores, no numbers, no measurements—just plain old-fashioned feelings of wellness. I’m listening to my body like I never have before. Odd, but in a warped way, I have depression to thank for that.
If any of this story rings true for you, I recommend seeking help. I know for many, admitting you have depression in itself is difficult. Just remember, those baby steps you take add up…and it does get better. —Tish
You are brave in baring your personal stuff. Best wishes in tapping back into yourself, whereever it takes you and whatever changes result from it.
Thank you so much for being so brave to share your story. I feel less alone as I’ve been feeling in a similar funk (hence the lack of blog updates), getting injured only made things worse. And yeah, I need to listen to the last paragraph!
Thank you Vicki for the well wishes. @Kate, depression totally pissed me off because it tried to take what I loved most in life away…definitely listen to that last paragraph. It actually took me an hour to write that last sentence. I wanted to pack in the most amount of truth I could. If you need anything you have some fit bottomed girls in your corner.
baby steps lead to some big kid triumphs.
Thank you Thank you. I struggle with depression, well actually I have bipolar disorder which makes everything hard. But with medication and lots of hard work I’ve fought back and have even lost 45 pounds since September.
Again, Thank you for sharing and making the rest of us in similar situations feel less alone.
Sarah
Thank you for sharing! I have just come to terms with my own in the past couple of weeks and have finally sought help. I couldn’t understand why I lost all oomph to run or have any kind of fun until it had spiraled and my older sister challenged me to seek psychiatric help. Anyway, there’s no shame here and it’s validating to not be alone in the struggle to be fit while not Suzy Sunshine. Thanks again!
Thank you Rebecca! Isn’t it crazy how we never know? Your story is a popular one…”you start to lose the oomph” even the commercials on TV weren’t shouting out at me. They ask all the pertinent questions, but still my light bulb took a while before it flickered on.
Thank you for this… i have been dealing with depression for the last 3 years and the last couple months i felt like i was getting better: back to the gym, was seeing a councilor, i had energy etc… but this last week or so i have felt its creepy hands taking hold again, i haven’t wanted to go to the gym, I’ve been sleeping lots and haven’t even wanted to go out of the house. I am calling my councilor again to make an appointment and try to get out of this funk.
Thanks again for sharing your story
This article really hit home with me. I never thought that depression would have taken my desire to workout away from me, yet this brought light to it. I’m also taking medication, however still feel a struggle to get up and go the way I used to. I miss who I used to be. Thanks for making me feel a little bit more normal and that it is baby steps.
Melissa I was the same way on the first round of meds they put me on. I was still lethargic and that’s how I knew they weren’t right for me. I actually was thankful I had been so active before. I had something to compare and even though my doctor was lazy for a spell I kept on him…I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me they knew my body better than I did.
My doc asked me to give the old pill another two weeks…I did and when it still hadn’t improved, he switched it. Now I’m feeling 10 times better. I just ran a mile during lunch and didn’t feel like I had bricks in my shoes. Keep fighting for team Melissa!
Tish, I cried when I read this. I’m going thru another cycle of my depression. Thank you for putting out there what so many of us go through.
I am so proud of you, as I usually am, but this time the most proud, life is a learning experience, we need to share stories like this in order to help ourselves, so we are not alone, and to help others who don’t know what is wrong with them or are to scared to admit what’s wrong with them. Some people think it is a sign of weakness to seek help and get on medication, I see it as an incredible sign of courage……don’t be afraid to get on medication, it will work miracles, sometimes our brains get into a funk and the meds change everything. After my father died, me of all people, Ms. happiness got into a funk….it blindsided me….Tish, we need to talk, I need to hug you and tell you how amazing you are. Thank you so much for sharing your story….I know you’ve helped so many by doing so.
Thank you so much for sharing. My funk smacked me in the face in April and I’ve been trying to dig out ever since. It finally came to a head 3 weeks ago and I’ve started seeing a nutritionist but use our time as therapy. Among her good advice (not just food advice), she’s suggested dopamine and serotonin and even though it’s only been a week, I feel worlds better (even looking forward to my workouts).
Hang in there, Tish. I’m trying to work my way out of a funk now — I have a history of depression and have, at times, been on medication. It’s funny — exercise is the thing that helps me beat the depression, but it’s also the thing that I have to really push myself to do, and when I don’t get the good feelings out of it, that’s when I know I’m in trouble. Kudos to you for taking the right steps to get yourself help. I’m here if you ever want to talk!
I’ve said it before, but I just re-read this post…I am so proud of you for doing your part to shine a light on this issue! And, in your honor, I joined Curves and worked out this week (and am going again tomorrow morning). I’m in my sixth year of fighting depression off and on (and I have been on many different meds), but I want you to know it does get better. You become better able to tune into your body and catch things before you hit a downward spiral. Exercise, nutrition and nutrients (e.g. B vitamins) are also key – so you are way ahead of the game! One more suggestion – I just started using an accupressure mat (google it and many different types will come up); it HURTS at first but is soooo relaxing after a few minutes! It basically induces your brain to flood your body with serotonin. Check it out