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Today’s post is by Gal Josefsberg, a blogger, author, dog owner, husband and entrepreneur. He blogs about personal fitness at 60 in 3, self improvement at Equally Happy and he recently launched a website dedicated to helping men and women find good present ideas for each other called Diamonds or Dogs. He’s not a professional anything, nor does he wish to be. But when it comes to making women feel good just as they are, well, he’s got that message down pat and we love him for it! Read on for his letter to women everywhere… —Jenn
First, a Disclaimer
Let’s get something straight. You don’t need me to tell you you’re perfect. In fact, the most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence, which means my opinion shouldn’t matter. Seriously, there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman. That look of “take me as I am or get lost” is worth more than any curve, weight, tone, body shape or hair style. I want you to keep that in mind as you read the next few paragraph because I truly believe that my opinion means nothing when it comes to how beautiful a woman looks. So when you think to yourself “Who the hell does this guy think he is? What gives him the right to say this?” The answer is, I don’t have that right and my opinion doesn’t matter. Except it does.
What Do I Mean By That?
I think women have been sold a horrible lie, and I’m not sure by who. I think this lie is that you have to look perfect, that any flaw in your appearance is a deal-killer and will haunt you forever. I think you’ve all been told that you need to look like a Victoria’s Secret lingerie model, and you’ve bought into this, hook , line and sinker. The odd thing is that I’m not sure who told you this because I know it wasn’t us men.
Men Are Easy
We’re not really as sophisticated as you think we are. (I know some of you are thinking “I never thought guys were that sophisticated to begin with,” but I’m saying we’re even less sophisticated than you thought!). I recently saw a magazine article talking about how beautiful Gwyneth Paltrow was and how pretty her symmetrical clavicles are. Seriously? You do know that most of us don’t even know what a clavicle is, right? And if we did, we still wouldn’t look at it. It’s in that dead zone between the breasts and face that we pay no attention to. Same applies to that neck you think is too short, the hips you think are too big or that weird toe you’re so ashamed of. We don’t notice these things, even when you’re naked (especially then since at that point all we’re thinking of is “Woohoo! There’s a naked woman around me!”).
So who sets these impossible standards that make women despair? Fashion magazines? How is that possible when these magazines are trying to cater to women? I’m certainly not their target readership. It’s like there’s a whole industry determined to feed women’s negative body image beliefs and then make money on them. And if it’s so obvious that these magazines set impossible standards, then why do you keep reading them? Why do you keep letting some idiotic fashionista in New York tell you that your body is imperfect when us men are right here and we love you just as you are?
And that right there is the complete truth. There is nothing more attractive than a healthy woman. She is perfect as she is with no need to strive for some impossible fashion standard. We love you and the variety of wonderful shapes your bodies come in. And let me clarify that just to make sure I’m getting my point across: I’m not saying “We love you even if you don’t look like that lingerie model,” I’m saying “We don’t care about that lingerie model look. You look just as good to us.” In fact, let me introduce you to the way men really think.
The Binary System
You know the movie cliché where men rate women on a scale of 1 to 10? Yeah, that’s a load of horse manure. We don’t do that—nor do we only go after 10s. This might be my engineering background showing, but we operate on more of a binary scale. What does that mean? It means there aren’t any gradients of attractiveness as far as we’re concerned. You’re either attractive to us or you’re not, and if you’re attractive then you’re equally attractive as anyone else (including that lingerie model). And by the way, it doesn’t take much work to be attractive—all it takes is being healthy and confident.
If you’re healthy and confident, then we don’t care if you’re apple-shaped or pear-shaped; we love women in all their varied shapes and sizes. We like your odd toe, we love that little bit of fat around the waist (so squeezable!), we adore that wrinkle on your forehead that you got from laughing too much, and we definitely don’t notice if your clavicles are symmetrical or not.
In fact, if there was one thing we could fix about you, it would be to make you love your bodies as much as we do. —Gal Josefsberg