A Message From Men to Women: You Are Perfect As You Are

Ladies, Gal has a message for you…

Why are you reading about dude-related stuff? Because it’s Fit Bottomed Dudes’ Week, that’s why! Click here for all the special posts, and please share with the guys in your life!

Today’s post is by Gal Josefsberg, a blogger, author, dog owner, husband and entrepreneur. He blogs about personal fitness at 60 in 3, self improvement at Equally Happy and he recently launched a website dedicated to helping men and women find good present ideas for each other called Diamonds or Dogs. He’s not a professional anything, nor does he wish to be. But when it comes to making women feel good just as they are, well, he’s got that message down pat and we love him for it! Read on for his letter to women everywhere… —Jenn

First, a Disclaimer

Let’s get something straight. You don’t need me to tell you you’re perfect. In fact, the most beautiful thing about a woman is her confidence, which means my opinion shouldn’t matter. Seriously, there is nothing more attractive than a confident woman. That look of “take me as I am or get lost” is worth more than any curve, weight, tone, body shape or hair style. I want you to keep that in mind as you read the next few paragraph because I truly believe that my opinion means nothing when it comes to how beautiful a woman looks. So when you think to yourself “Who the hell does this guy think he is? What gives him the right to say this?” The answer is, I don’t have that right and my opinion doesn’t matter. Except it does.

What Do I Mean By That?

I think women have been sold a horrible lie, and I’m not sure by who. I think this lie is that you have to look perfect, that any flaw in your appearance is a deal-killer and will haunt you forever. I think you’ve all been told that you need to look like a Victoria’s Secret lingerie model, and you’ve bought into this, hook , line and sinker. The odd thing is that I’m not sure who told you this because I know it wasn’t us men.

Men Are Easy

We’re not really as sophisticated as you think we are. (I know some of you are thinking “I never thought guys were that sophisticated to begin with,” but I’m saying we’re even less sophisticated than you thought!). I recently saw a magazine article talking about how beautiful Gwyneth Paltrow was and how pretty her symmetrical clavicles are. Seriously? You do know that most of us don’t even know what a clavicle is, right? And if we did, we still wouldn’t look at it. It’s in that dead zone between the breasts and face that we pay no attention to. Same applies to that neck you think is too short, the hips you think are too big or that weird toe you’re so ashamed of. We don’t notice these things, even when you’re naked (especially then since at that point all we’re thinking of is “Woohoo! There’s a naked woman around me!”).

So who sets these impossible standards that make women despair? Fashion magazines? How is that possible when these magazines are trying to cater to women? I’m certainly not their target readership. It’s like there’s a whole industry determined to feed women’s negative body image beliefs and then make money on them. And if it’s so obvious that these magazines set impossible standards, then why do you keep reading them? Why do you keep letting some idiotic fashionista in New York tell you that your body is imperfect when us men are right here and we love you just as you are?

And that right there is the complete truth. There is nothing more attractive than a healthy woman. She is perfect as she is with no need to strive for some impossible fashion standard. We love you and the variety of wonderful shapes your bodies come in. And let me clarify that just to make sure I’m getting my point across: I’m not saying “We love you even if you don’t look like that lingerie model,” I’m saying “We don’t care about that lingerie model look. You look just as good to us.” In fact, let me introduce you to the way men really think.

The Binary System

You know the movie cliché where men rate women on a scale of 1 to 10? Yeah, that’s a load of horse manure. We don’t do that—nor do we only go after 10s. This might be my engineering background showing, but we operate on more of a binary scale. What does that mean? It means there aren’t any gradients of attractiveness as far as we’re concerned. You’re either attractive to us or you’re not, and if you’re attractive then you’re equally attractive as anyone else (including that lingerie model). And by the way, it doesn’t take much work to be attractive—all it takes is being healthy and confident.

If you’re healthy and confident, then we don’t care if you’re apple-shaped or pear-shaped; we love women in all their varied shapes and sizes. We like your odd toe, we love that little bit of fat around the waist (so squeezable!), we adore that wrinkle on your forehead that you got from laughing too much, and we definitely don’t notice if your clavicles are symmetrical or not.

In fact, if there was one thing we could fix about you, it would be to make you love your bodies as much as we do. —Gal Josefsberg



Comments

  1. Tywana says

    I was having one of those days where I so needed to read this…the reminder was exactly what I needed and I didn’t even know it!!!!

  2. Nicole says

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! I appreciate the encouragement. I would like to pass this affirmation on. Not only to uplift others but to ingrain it on my heart and mind even more. This message has made my birthday even better (and it has already been a great day). We can be our own worst enemy sometimes when we should be our biggest supporters. Thanks for the reminder.

    Nicole

  3. Celeste says

    If that’s true, why have men in my past tried to control my weight so blatantly? The truth is, some men DO care what you look like, and some love you the way you are. Not all. It wasn’t until I married a man who loved me the way I am that I got serious about fitness. But to say no men care? Some absolutely do, harp on it, and try to control women’s food and even attire.

  4. Heather says

    I was needing to read this so bad! My fiance says the same things this guy does. They are both so right. We women need to really stop worrying about LOOKING a certain way and just strive to be fit, happy, and healthy. Not kill ourselves and depress ourselves because we don’t look like a super model. They HAVE to look that way anyway in order to keep that expensive paycheck..so they exercise ALL the time, they diet ALL the time. I want to LIVE my life, not be held down by constantly working out and dieting and not being able to enjoy those brownies on Monday, AND Tuesday if I freaking want them :)Everything in moderation though.

  5. Gal @ Diamonds or Dogs says

    Thank you all for the kind words.

    Celeste, I’m sorry if you’ve run into those guys. I wonder if they’re suffering from the same insecurity that some women do and believe that looks are everything. The only things I can say is that the men who matter, the ones who truly love you, they’ll love you for being healthy, not for looking like a supermodel.

    And happy birthday Nicole :)

  6. Tracey says

    Thank you so much for this article. I have always worked out and been confident about my body, until about 10 years ago. I became very ill and after hundreds of tests and 4 major surgeries, I needed up on a feeding tube for a year and a half. My previously normal fit weight dropped by 20 lbs to a nearly anorexic weight for my height. But, for the first time in my life I was the super skinny girl…and I liked it. The tube came out this past December, and I started working towards a healthy lifestyle again, with clean eating and hard workouts. My body is healthier than it has been in a decade, but my mind is a mess. I have developed such a negative body image, and am constantly comparing myself to the skinny model size I was when I was sick. Now, my husband is always telling me how amazing I look, and of course I always seem to think “he’s just saying that.” So, I showed him your article (we’ve been together 13 years, so he’s seen me at all stages), he said that is the best he has ever seen anyone put how men feel into words. He said that it really is all or nothing for him to. I think it is so hard for women to get it, because we are more decimal points of attractiveness. I think we have such varying degrees of finding someone attractive, we assume men would feel like this to…or at least I did. Now, I am able to drop the worry that my husband is comparing me to the latest Maxim cover when he says I look hot. When he says it…he means it! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Best FBD article to date!

  7. Alex says

    Lovely, thank you for that! My boyfriend talks like this and I love him even more for that! This article really made me happy today.

  8. Jennifer says

    Gal,
    Thank you from the bottom (hehe) of my heart for writing this… My husband says things like this all the time but i just thought he was biased or afraid of hurting my feelings.

    I’ve never had confidence. Ever since i was a short chubby asian girl (plus my family NEVER let me forget it.) I’m not totally UNhealthy. But I COULD live healthier. I have thighs… I have hips… I have a tummy… (however I will say one of my best features is my waist. I actually do have an hour glass figure that my husband is crazy about ^.^)

    But with the encouragement of my loving husband, my 3 year old son and letters like this… I am learning that I do have an important place in this world. That I am loved no matter what shape I am. And that makes me feel better about myself… Woohoo! One step closer to confidence!

  9. Ollie H. says

    Thank for writing this Gal..This is really an eye opener. I also don’t know why we women really makes a big deal on how we look and always minding on the flaws that we have. Not realizing that by those flaws we look more beautiful. Thank you for this reminder, Gal. You made my day! Thanks.

  10. Elizabeth says

    This is incredible. I’m sixteen years old and I’ve been struggling with accepting my appearance. I’ve lost about 40 pounds but I still look in the mirror and compare myself to all those models. I always thought that every boyfriend I have will just compare me to them so I would strive to be like that. I know at this age, some might. But this gives me alot of hope for the future. This really made my day.

  11. Ivori Rose says

    I mean WOW ! I too was having one of those ‘Self Hate’ days and this is EXACTLY what I needed to read :)
    I don’t know that I’m perfect the way I am ; I’m always striving to have smaller this, or tighter that….why ? Because I think that is what I’m SUPPOSED to look like.
    Thank you Fit Bottomed Girls for have a Fit Bottomed Dudes Week !

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