Baby-Making Is a Serious Workout (But It Doesn’t Have to Be)
I like to work out, and I’m never one to back down from a challenge. So when my husband suggested we get our sexy on every day (of course he did) to get pregnant, I was like, “Okay, let’s do this.” And so we did.
And by about day 20 of my cycle, both of us were so freakin’ sick of sex. I never thought my husband could actually not want sex, but I was wrong. Even he, King of Thou Always Wants to Do the Dirty, was worn out after a few weeks. And gosh knows I was. So much so that by the time my ovulation-predictor sticks finally showed that I might be ovulating (right now I’m looking at an average cycle of 38 days, but that, my friends, is for another ranting post about birth control), we were both daunted with the prospect of having EVEN MORE sex.
In a matter of weeks, sexy time wasn’t so sexy, and baby-making quickly became a chore on our to-do lists rather than what it started out as: a pretty damn life-changing event. And, to me, that’s just wrong. I know plenty of couples spend months and sometimes years trying to get pregnant, and in some ways, sex kind of becomes a part-time job. But after just one month of trying, that’s just not okay with me. Actually, I’m not sure when that will ever be okay with me. Corny as it sounds, I want our future little human to be conceived out of love, not obligation with a lack of passion.
So while I’m obviously a trying-to-get-pregnant newbie and this is probably the rookiest of baby-making mistakes, we’re now rocking a less-pressured and more fun approach to the bedroom. First rule: Do it when you want to. That’s simple and fun enough. Second: Don’t obsess about perfect timing. Yes, obviously some times are more conducive than others, but as long as you’re doing it every few days, you pretty much have your bases covered (especially if you—like me—have longer cycles because it doesn’t do any good to have sex every day through cycle day 15 if you’re not ovulating until day 28). Third, unless the earth is shaking and the spirit moves you, there’s really no reason to have sex every day, let alone twice in one day. It just leads to burn out (for us, at least). Fourth and perhaps the most important of all? Put effort into it. Go on dates, flirt shamelessly, get your foreplay on, make-out like teenagers—basically, be totally present.
As best I see it, you only have one time period in your life when you’re trying to conceive your first child, so why not have a really fun go at it?
If you’re trying to get pregnant, how many times a week do you get down to business? For the mamas out there, did you have sex every day when trying to get pregnant? Rookie baby-makers want to know! —Jenn
I read that too much sex can cause the man’s sperm count to drop, and that having sex no more than every 36 to 48 hours around the time you think you’re ovulating should work out just fine for maximizing exposure and keeping the sperm count up. Of couse, when your cycle isn’t a standard 28 days (mine wasn’t), it’s harder to time. But I think that longer cycles mean you ovulate later, generally, so maybe start of with the every-other-day approach at least two weeks in so you won’t be worn out by the fifth week of your cycle. And I definitely agree with you about not making it a chore. Sex will be challenging enough after the little one comes, so I definitely think it’s important to keep the fun and passion in it up until that time 🙂
you might want to check out this book, which was extremely helpful to me years ago, in figuring out my cycle (not just for birth control matters, but for knowing what was up with my cycle) no point in having sex when you are in your infertile phase if you are trying to get pregnant. so, here’s the book – http://www.amazon.com/New-No-Pill-No-Risk-Birth-Control/dp/0743244834
i wish you all the best with your baby to come!
When I was getting ready to start trying I talked to my dr and he explained a few things to me. He also said every other day to give the swimmers some time to build back up. And he explained you do not ovulate on day 14 of your cycle, you ovulate 14 days before your period starts. Like jenn, that can make a big difference!
Hubs and I started trying this last month (with the help of clomid due to anovulation) and by the end of it we were SO done having sex. It was bizarre (and sometimes awkward) to plan sex. We did it every other day from days 11-18 of my cycle (per doctor’s orders) and by the end of it, we were both burnt out. It just adds to the extra stress that infertility puts on you. If I’m not pregnant this month, I swear I’m going to go off the deep end (upsetting since we’ve only been actively trying for one month – off any method of birth control for almost 2 years).
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