Kids in Sports? Read This to be a Good ‘Sports Parent’

Questions for Bruce Beaton

Sports should build muscles and character! Credit: Katatonic28

Any notable experiences with overzealous parents that stand out? What can you learn from it?

There are a few crazies out there, but the reason I wrote the book is less to correct overzealous parents and more to help passionate, caring parents who didn’t quite know what they were doing. There is a huge difference between “Wow, I’m so proud of you, you scored two goals today, great job!’ and “Wow, I’m so proud of you, your hard work is really paying off, I saw you score two goals today!” The first reinforces results and talent, the second reinforces approach and results that are directly a result of approach. Each approach (reinforced for years of sport parenting) creates a completely different child, and programs a completely different adult. Hard to believe but true. Check out Carol Dweck’s excellent book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success for more on this.

The bottom line is sport parenting is powerful, but it’s nuanced. Getting it right is fun, important and rewarding, AND WELL WORTH RESEARCHING if you want to raise awesome kids. Your kids will have a lot of coaches, but there’s only one you, there year after year, through thousands of car rides and little talks about what they’re going through. It’s not for everyone, but one in every two kids play youth sport, and for some of these (active male) little learners, this is the most important school they might ever attend. I have an excellent education, but almost everything I use in my corporate leadership training comes from sport or independent research run through the “truth filter” that is my competitive sport years.

I wanted to write something as clear, simple and direct as possible to give other parents who really want to raise amazing people (and God willing, amazing leaders—we sure need ’em!). I just wanted others to learn what I know so that they get the results they want—a real winner who knows what it takes to be successful in anything they love and are willing to work hard at, while creating and maintaining a long-term loving child/parent relationship. And wouldn’t that just be the absolute best thing in the world, now and 20 years from now when we look back with pride at the wonderful job we did?

Also, if they go on to be great little competitive athletes, I want you to help them get the programming right so they don’t go through the same misery and failure I went through because I didn’t know how to think like a winner in my first pro camp. I was so emotionally overwhelmed, and your kid doesn’t need to go through that. It’s easy to teach your child how to handle intense competition and the illusion of pressure if you know what you’re doing as a parent.

A big thanks to Bruce for his in-depth answers! Do you soccer moms and dads have any tips for being an effective sports parent? —Erin