I Would Have Had a Baby This Week

white flowers

Credit: D Sharon Pruitt

Dara Pierre-Louis has shared with us how she works through workout setbacks and how she tries to get her son involved in the kitchen. Today, she’s sharing her experience with a miscarriage. While graphic at times, her honest account will hopefully help women who are dealing with a miscarriage themselves. 

I would’ve had a baby this month. This week to be exact. I can’t get that gnawing thought out of my head. I should be over it; I miscarried over six months ago. I should be happy that I am blessed enough to already be pregnant again and successfully into my second trimester this time. Yet I still can’t stop thinking about the baby that would have been.

Miscarriage is something that I don’t believe you are ever over. With that being said, it’s still a taboo topic in 2012. Miscarriage is hard, and most women don’t tell you how hard it is or was for them until you are going through it. Most women don’t even tell you that they have miscarried until you are miscarrying yourself.

While it is all well and good to know that you are not alone when you are going through the painful process, I sometimes wish we could prepare ourselves before it happens. It is somewhat similar to a C-section only in that we all hope and prepare for a natural childbirth and then all too often find ourselves going under the knife for an extensive surgery for which we have done little to nothing to educate ourselves about. In hindsight, I think it’s important to know a little about miscarriage, no matter what your family history.

My miscarriage was hard. It started with light spotting. I didn’t freak out too much as this had happened during my first pregnancy, and I went on to give birth to a strong, handsome boy. But I still called the doctor to go in. Earlier that day, I was on my daily walk with my son, and I had a thought that my womb felt empty. It was the strangest feeling and combined with the spotting, I wanted to get checked out.

My doctor was not available but the other doctor in the practice took me in right away, did a pelvic exam and noted that my cervix was slightly open. She told me this could be due to the fact that I have given birth before and not to worry. We then did an ultrasound. No heartbeat and she couldn’t really see a fetus; she just saw the gestational sac. But she again, told me not to worry. Let’s give it seven days and look again. She told me it could be a blighted ovum.

I took that phrase home and Googled. A blighted ovum is simply described as a pregnancy in which an embryo never develops. As I researched, I found many women’s stories—stories of women whose doctors encouraged a dilation and curettage (D&C), a procedure where they surgically remove the fetus, right away but the women resisted and a week later a heartbeat appeared. I was grateful my doctor had given me a week, but I kept on researching. Reading about miscarriage and learning a lot.

In my research, I discovered that there are many different ways you can miscarry. You can have a D&C. You can have a medically aided miscarriage where you take pills to increase the speed of your body ridding itself of the tissue. Or you can have a natural miscarriage and let nature run its course. I didn’t know there were so many choices. Many women choose to have D&Cs and this is very often a safe, fast and somewhat painless (physically) procedure, but I am not one to opt for any kind of procedure and fortunately (or unfortunately) in my research I learned about Asherman’s syndrome, a rare but possible complication from a D&C wherein your uterus can be scarred and you can become infertile. I took all of this information to bed and held onto the hope that my wee one’s heart was beating but just hiding from the ultrasound.

The next morning, I woke up and all hope was gone. There was so much blood and the emptiness was no longer a feeling but a truth. My baby was no more. I cried. I called the doctor and they told me to come in. I copped an attitude and asked “What for? So you can tell me what you should have told me yesterday or convince me to have an expensive procedure that could cause Asherman’s syndrome?” I still feel sorry for the receptionist. She told me that I should then come in a week and to go to the ER if I felt dizzy or nauseous from the blood loss.

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  1. Tricia says:

    I lost my little girl at 19 wks about a year ago. It was the most painful experience of my life and yet somehow God used her to help grow my marriage and make it stronger. I now have a beautiful baby boy and while I love him beyond belief I still miss her sometimes.

    Thank you for sharing your story. After I lost my girl I felt the same that miscarriage is a big dark secret nobody speaks about. Thank you for breaking the silence.

  2. Marilyn B. says:

    Though I haven’t experienced this myself, I know many women who have, and I appreciate you sharing your experience. I have a close friend who miscarried once between her first and second sons, then after her second son, miscarried again the next year, the same week that the first baby she lost was due, in late July. She began to hate the third week of July, when her third beautiful baby girl was born July 23, 2011. She told me that God redeemed that day for her.

    It’s not something that is ever easy to talk about, but I am thankful for courageous women like you: Dara, Tricia, and my friend, L, who are willing to be open about this sensitive topic.

  3. This is an amazing post…I couldn’t agree more that miscarriages should be talked about, prepared for, educated on, not just swept under the rug–there’s too much pain involved…Thank you for your honesty.

  4. kira says:

    At last someone speaks out. I have had 4 m/c’s. Two I didn’t know too much about and two before I conceived my daughter
    The third was scary, I had only just found out I was pregnant. 6 weeks pregnant, we went for a scan and there, beating away was our baby. Its little heartbeat. By Feb 19th 2010, that was gone. I felt empty. Like I had no one. That year in April I fell pregnant again. I never made it to the scan. And like you I held my baby. I must have been about 8-9 weeks. Inside the sac was a tiny human. Arms and legs formed. We could see it sleeping. It was heart breaking. To this day I still have my scan on the third and in my mind my forth.

    I was then told I Couldnt have children. Devastated I starved myself making myself ill. A month after being told I Couldnt have kids and I fell pregnant again. At 8 weeks I started bleeding. And I cried. I felt like my body was rejecting every hope I had of becoming a mum. At the scan luckily baby was fine. They could see the bleed but it wasn’t coming from the baby. At 13 weeks it happened again. I lost a huge amount of blood. They tell you of your losing clots bigger than a 50p piece your most likely losing the baby. Well here I was again. A clot about the size of a £5 note came out (sorry graphic details) and I thought that was it. Back to the hospital, was waiting for hours. Examined and they said they Couldnt tell if I was losing my baby. Despair again. Then off to the scan. And baby was fine. I’d lost the lining around my cervix
    luckily that pregnancy went well. And my baby was born jan 5th 2012. I understand these feeling too well. Feb makes me sad. For the child i never got to know. I am blessed to have my daughter. But the heartache just was unbearable. People should talk more about miscarriage. As women we shouldnt be ashamed. We should become one and fight against it being such a taboo.

    We hold angels in our hearts and each one leaves a permanant scar that will never heal. We just learn to accept it. And never forget them!