How I’m Taming the Wedding Beast


I’m not a bridezilla, but I’m not the anti-bride either. Making peace with this has been a miracle! Credit: cheriejoyful

I recently read an article on the Martha Stewart Weddings site that featured one of Jenn and I’s favorite spiritual junkies, Gabrielle Bernstein. You’d think with all the world sharing their personal stories and experiences with weddings I wouldn’t be shocked and amazed to hear that Gabby has experienced wedding stress, but I seriously was shocked and then tears of relief hit. Yes, a self-proclaimed tomboy turned into a gal who cries over wedding stuff. Why? Because like Gabby states, weddings come sure-fire packed with three of life’s worst stressors: family, romance and money. (I might throw body image in the mix, too.)

The deal is, I look at married women with awe. In awe that they made it through planning…that they had the love, support and the balls to see it through. Before I got engaged, I truly thought girls were being unbelievably dramatic about how hard it is to plan a wedding. How hard could it be to say yes to the dress, no to the duck and hop the broom? But it’s HARD!

I have had THE worst experience planning my “wedding.” I air quote “wedding” because I still can’t even picture it. I swear to Vera Wang that telling my family I was getting married felt like I was telling them I had taken the family fortune and flushed it down the toilet. I had disgraced the family…I had put a chink in the chain. Then there’s the whole tomboy mentality. I went from chill to thinking I’d die if I didn’t get to rock a dress and say “I do,” in front of my family and friends. I freaked myself out. I can only imagine what my fiance thinks of my Reem Acra tears.

Enter woman I look up to. Glorious Gabby helped console me. I feel so bad that I’ve had arguments with my mom about wedding stuff. (I thought I was alone in my wedding crappiness!) I’m using Gabby’s wedding meditations and making sure to write down how grateful I am for my fiance as well as the friends and family who have lifted me up during this crazy mess. Most importantly I’m going to make peace with myself.

I changed the minute Mark put a ring on my finger. I became a gal who wouldn’t mind wearing a pretty white dress. I think deep down though, I was ashamed of that. The media has shoved the term “bridezilla” so far down our throats that I wanted to get as far away from that stereotype as possible, which led me to being anti-bride. I’m not a bridezilla, but I’m also not burning veils in protest. And that is fine.

We all know stress is a HUGE health bully. I swear I stress and worry, and the next day I wind up with a chest cold. It’s like clockwork. But if I channel that stress into a workout, I’m golden. At the end of a run, I sprint my little heart out (envisioning the end of our wedding planning at the finish line), or I get in that extra rep to sweat out the annoyances that are making stressful homes in my shoulder muscles.

What about you? Are you engaged and currently stressed out of your freaking mind like me? Or are you married with some great tips to help keep the wedding stresses at bay? —Tish

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  1. Jamie says:

    I could not agree with this any more…. It’s crazy stressful, and working out helps SO much. Thank you for posting this- I can’t wait to try some of the meditations next time I am about to pull my hair out 🙂

  2. Julie says:

    I got married last May and the key is to delegate what you don’t care about to someone who does (like the corsages to your mom, if she has a big opinion about it) and forget about all those “wedding details” that Pinterest and blogs have told us we HAVE to have. If you don’t care about it, don’t stress about it!

  3. Alyson says:

    Tish – I’m nowhere near being a bride (nowhere near being engaged), but I am so inspired your post. There is totally something about sprinting at the end of a long run, for those few REALLY intense seconds, that gives you the insight to KNOW everything will be okay!

  4. Sarah says:

    I completely agree with Julie! Take charge on a few key things that really matter to you then hand the rest over to family and friends or skip it. Not only is this a stress saver but can be a budget saver too!

    And really, the whole point of a wedding is to get married, with pretty pictures and having a fun a close second. All the rest is just unnecessary detail.

  5. Tish says:

    @Alyson You’ve got that sprint mentality that I love lol. I swear I scare the women near me on the treadmill when I get to the end of my run. I just jack that puppy up as high as I can and take off lol.

    @Jamie, please let me know how the meditations work for you. My fiance was laughing at me…which caused me to hit him, which TOTALLY defeated the purpose BUT now I just use headphones and it seriously works.

    @Sarah and @Julie…I would delegate, but even that makes me feel like I’m a terrible bride lol. I just feel like people don’t really want to do that crap deep down…maybe that’s just me projecting though. I know I wouldn’t want to lol. 😛 #Tomboy

  6. Jessica says:

    Glad I am not the only one. I am only starting the process and I feel extremely overwhelmed, I stepped up my gym schedule to help out with the stress of it all. I am thinking of doing yoga when I feel very overwhelmed because I ran too hard on Saturday trying to rid the stress mess of the venue, cater, and photographer craziness and now I have to take it easy today. I will have to find the happy medium of stress working out and keeping myself sane through the planning process. 🙂 Good Luck!