A Perk of Getting Older: Learning to Trust Myself
I came across this quote the other day on The Daily Love, and it really struck me. It echoed loudly in my soul — in that warm way where you know it to be absolutely true but also in that hollow scary way that kind of terrifies you. Yeah, that kind of Oprah aha moment.
“The key is to learn how to trust yourself. And whatever you are being told to do, whatever you are being guided to do, have the courage to do it. OR if you are being guided to rest, stop and wait — have the willingness and humility to LISTEN and trust what you hear.”
In the post, Mastin is writing all about dreams and goals, but when I read it, it was all about the big scary thing in my life: infertility. It’s not like I can work harder at trying to get pregnant or put in extra hours or take a course or network to have kids. Having children is a goal of mine, but it’s one of those things that is only so much within my control. In fact, letting go of control has been the No. 1 lesson I’ve learned through my two-plus years of trying to conceive.
Over on Fit Bottomed Girls this week we’re doing a whole week of Fit Bottomed at Any Age content. And it’s funny because, if anything, getting older should stress me out more about getting pregnant. But as I have gone through this process and gotten older, it has gotten easier. As scary as that above quote is, it’s pretty much what I’ve learned to do to survive and be happy through all of it. When I find myself getting in an icky dark-feeling, hopeless or poor-me emotional place, I’m quicker to remind myself to listen and trust myself. To follow my gut, not bang my head against the wall because I want something now. Really, I’ve learned patience and surrender.
And now that we’re back in fertility specialists’ offices and taking tests and all that jazz, the only thing I try to focus on is listening to my gut. What feels right? What doesn’t? When I sit down to think through decisions (and with infertility treatments there are so, so many decisions), what do I feel? Is it hope? Fear? Desperation? When I take time to just be, and I get a scary urge to do something or try something new, how can I work up the courage to do it? How can I be open? If this goes on for more years or we have to look at other options, am I willing to put my hope on the line? Was I brave today? Am I taking care of me? Do I trust myself unconditionally?
I am a work in progress, there’s no doubt about that. But the one thing that’s come with age is me being more aware of what’s not just echoing around in that mind of mine, but also being a better listener of what’s in my heart. Not what I think I should do or what works for others, but what’s truly right for my family. Again, it’s all about the trust, stopping to listen — and having the wisdom, courage and humility to act (or not) on it.
Has getting older made you a better parent or parent-to-be? Ever had a quote resonate so deeply with you that you had to take a minute (or 12)? Tell me about it. —Jenn