I Went to Take a Shower. It Didn’t Work Out.

I rarely dump my kids on my husband as soon as he comes in the door. Sure, some days I’m peeking out the window just waiting to see the headlights coming down the street, but I can count the times on one hand when I’ve been all “PEACE OUT, SUCKA” and left him to deal with the kiddos. Usually just him being around is enough to get me a little break — the little monkeys climb on him for a bit or he’ll take the baby who has spit up on me all day long.

Lately, because of that spit-up, I’ve had to shower in the early evenings when he gets home and after we have a bit of time to see each other. So on this particular night, I was about to head upstairs once he finished his dinner. The 2-year-old was crying over a blanket he no longer had in his possession, but I shrugged. Mama needs to shower!

I go upstairs. I hear 4-year-old crying added to the mix downstairs. Add in infant wailing. I was so close. I could almost feel that sweet, hot water. I could just walk down the hall and lock the door and blissfully steam the day away. But I felt too guilty. Three of three kids crying? It would be hard to do that to an enemy, let alone my beloved. So I headed back downstairs. I hugged the 2-year-old and sorted out the blanket fight. I took the baby — she’s probably tired. I’ll put her to bed.

So I put her to bed … which is a fail. She was angry and unsettled, so I rocked her and tried again. When Miss Never Fusses kept fussing, I knew it was feeding time. This should do the trick. So I nursed her on a bed full of unfolded laundry.

“Don’t you dare go upstairs!” I hear.

Moments later, the pitter-patter of 2-year-old feet. Because when you’re trying to settle an infant, the best medicine is the presence of a 2-year-old. So he jumps onto the bed to give me a kiss. Jumps off. Turns on the bright hall light. This — shocker — doesn’t help. I yell for backup.

Up comes the husband. And toddler screams commence. It’s a kicking, screaming throwdown to get his PJs on and get his teeth brushed. I get the baby settled-ish, and go into battle. Big sister comes upstairs to get her PJs on, and she goes to brush her teeth. As I settle the toddler, big sister comes into the room.

The “settled” toddler is angry at her very appearance, apparently, and screams, “NO!!!!”

Cue immediate tears and hurt feelings. SO MANY FEELINGS. SO MUCH SOUND.

Did I mention hubby was back in with the baby? He settles her (ish) and rescues the 4-year-old and helps her get her teeth brushed.

Then, a momentary calm. Big kids get in bed. I get tuck-in duty because hubby is with the baby. Kids get tucked in, SMOOCHES. Head in to rescue hubby.

Get baby settled, she’s sleeping for realsy-reals this time. PHEW.

Cue conversation about how exhausted we are and how we never have time to just hang, as I fold laundry in the dark.

Oh, hi, big kids. What are you doing out of bed? Get back in bed. Yes, I’ll lay down with you for awhile.

Then it was time to work — posts to edit, writing to do, immediate stuff to check off my list.

The shower? Maybe tomorrow.

Do you ever get interrupted on the way to do something and never get back to it? My dishwasher is sometimes half unloaded, too. —Erin