BFFs Are Great, But Find Your ‘Network For Now’
Yesterday, Tish talked about the importance of the mama tribe — other moms you can count on to lend an ear when you need to vent, moms you can count on for advice when you need it and moms who have just been there, done that and can reassure you that you’ll get through the newborn/teething/no sleep/tantrum/teenage stage too.
I’ve had some great moms to lean on during this parenting gig, including my own, my husband’s, and other mom friends and neighbors, and especially Jenn and Tish as they joined the motherhood. As wonderful as this group is, many of them are long distance, so I’ve had to actively work to make new mom friends in a place where I feel like a bit of an outsider. (I’m a Kansas girl; New Jersey took some time for me.)
After reading this post about the importance of a support network, I realized I’d been going about mom friends all wrong. My closest friends are people I click with, who really “get” me. They’re the ones who assume the best and don’t judge. The ones who get the jokes and laugh at even the really bad puns. As I’ve met new people, I always look for that “click” — the people with whom I’m sharing mommy war stories within moments of meeting and know “this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.” But I recently realized that while finding that “click” is great, I shouldn’t discount everyone else who doesn’t have BFF potential.
Sure, having super close friends is great, but there is also value in the “weak ties.” You might meet a mom who you know you’ll never gab with over coffee, but she might be willing to watch your kiddos while you go to the dentist. There might be a fellow PTA mom who you don’t see much outside of the elementary school, but she makes committee meetings just a little more fun. The more people you meet, the more potential your tribe and support network has to grow — and the more likely you are to find those people who you really can laugh and gab and have coffee with (when your kids are older and all in school, you know). I started looking at every mom as an asset — someone who has value and can add something positive to my life. Maybe they know of a great apple-picking spot, maybe they’re a future babysitter in a pinch. But instead of searching for more BFFs, I’m looking for the Network for Now, or NFNs. It involves a little more getting out of my comfort zone — volunteering at school and saying hi when I’d rather just sit on my phone at pickup — but I already feel the community growing around me.
Have you ever made the mistake of looking for the friendship equivalent of The One instead of embracing everyone? —Erin