Why Moms (I) Can’t Keep It Together
I had an epiphany the other day. I finally realized why I’m in a state of constant overwhelm. If that’s not an official state, it is now. With three kids it’s easy to feel overwhelmed with their needs. If I’m not mediating fights and feeding them meals, I’m wiping butts and giving them snacks. If I’m not telling them to clean up after themselves, I’m the one picking up the trail of socks and underwear they leave around the house. The mess is endless, and I work all day treading water not to make progress but to make sure the mess doesn’t swallow us whole.
The amount of food that lands on the floor in our kitchen is enough to feed a fourth child, especially when added to the amount of food that gets stuck to the table’s edges. I’ve stopped putting the broom away because I just have to get it out again.
And the laundry. The laundry is this monster who lurks in our house, in every room, constantly demanding my attention.
When I don’t know where my kids are, I just track them down by following the trail of clothing.
But the reason I feel overwhelmed isn’t because of the demands of the kids. They’re just being kids and being hungry all day. It’s because while I’m taking care of them, I’ve got my other to-dos staring at me. I’ve got my messy office that needs cleaning. I’ve got piles of laundry to fold — and a toddler who insists on pulling everything out of the basket when I try to fold it.
I’ve got closets I’d kind of like to organize, but know that once I get in there, I’ll have kids building forts with the blankets I’m trying to stack nicely. I even have to strategize when it comes to unloading the dishes so that I can get the dishes put away while my toddler’s busy.
My to-do list, which includes a lot of organizing and decluttering because kids, stares me in the face all day, but I’m held hostage by the little people who would try to destroy whatever I’m organizing. You can try to entertain them or turn on the TV, but that only lasts so long until they insist on helping. I’ve gotten pretty good about accepting the state of chaos, I really have no choice. But it’s hard because you know that it would only take 30 minutes to organize that linen closet; do it with the kids home and it’s guaranteed to take you five hours and then you won’t even be done with it.
I was planting flowers the other day with my kids running around the front yard. It should have been a 30-minute process. I knew the big kids would play nicely while I got it done, and I was hoping the littlest would like to dig in the dirt. Turned out that she only wanted to smash the flowers and sit in my lap, so I had to plant flowers while she demanded “huggies” every time I turned away from her. I got it done — and it took two hours longer than it probably should have.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We took the kids to Sesame Place on Sunday for a relaxing Father’s Day (hashtag haha). My husband ran off to buy a quick snack and I realized that it wasn’t the mad chaos it usually is. It used to be that I would be waiting for him to return, trying to keep it together while I held down the fort, holding my breath waiting for him to return so we’d be back to a more favorable parent-to-child ratio. But I noticed that the big kids just chilled waiting — no one was going through other people’s strollers or pushing lounge chairs or trying to run into the wading pool. They just chilled. And I reminded myself that one day, my office will be organized but my house will be quiet. The mess can wait another day.
Do your kids jump in your face as soon as you start a project? —Erin