What No One Tells You About Infertility


Peace: Find it however you can. Credit: Aunt Owwee

4 Things No One Tells You About Infertility

4. There is no perfect thing to say. Let’s face it, no one knows what to say to the infertile couple. Especially people who have a couple kids under their belts, and they just feel bad for you. So you get a ton of, “We just know it will work out for you guys.” I know this is said with really good intentions. But when this is said to you by someone who is bouncing a 3-year-old on one knee and a 1-year-old on the other, it does nothing to make you feel better. It’s very reminiscent of being 27 and the only single person in a group of married friends who tell you, “I know the right guy is out there for you. It’s just a matter of time.” There are no right words for the infertile couple. Just tell them you love them. And give them wine.

I have to say much of this whole ordeal is just a matter of making peace with your own situation. I’m not saying that’s easy. And your “peace” will certainly change from day to day. Period days? Not so much peace to be found. But I really, deeply believed that we would somehow end up parents, even if it was through adoption. And I knew that however we became parents to a child, THAT child would be the only child we would want. We would be grateful that we had endured infertility in order to end up with the child we were meant to have, at the time we were meant to have him/her.

My mom had a miscarriage before she had me and she always told me, “If I didn’t have that miscarriage, I wouldn’t have you. And I wouldn’t trade you for any other child.” This is exactly how I feel. It’s been a long journey, filled with tears and laughter and gallons of wine. But it will end with THE child we’ve always wanted.

A big thanks to Sara for sharing her experience with infertility. And we love a happy ending! If you’re struggling with getting pregnant or have in the past, what would you add to this list of things no one tells you about infertility? —Jenn



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  1. Jen says:

    Thank you Sara! I’m a great fan of Fit Healthy Moms, your workouts and your no-nonsense advice. I really can relate. Yes, period days maybe disappointing. But on my journey of infertility it were the long months without period, without any sign of ovulation, which were the most stressing to me. For me, having a period once in a while gave me the great feeling there might be even the slightest chance of having a kid sometime.

  2. Sara Dean says:

    Thank you for your kind words and for sharing Jen! I have a somewhat irregular cycle too (32-56 days!) Long cycles/missed cycles can make a lady crazy!! This journey makes you patient, if nothing else (and maybe a little insane, lol.) So much to learn about oneself when you feel you can control NOTHING. . . 🙂

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